Joke Quotes

 Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them... you are a mile away from them... and you have their shoes.  
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 If God dropped acid, would he see people? 
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 As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. 
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 If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? 
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 Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. 
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 I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 
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 I love cats...they taste just like chicken. 
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 The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 
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 Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 
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 LACTOMANGULATION: (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)n. The act of manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side. 
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 PHONESIA: (fo nee' zhuh)n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer. 
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 To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. 
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 I doubt, therefore I might be. 
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  If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons? 
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 If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? 
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 Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 
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 You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks. 
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 I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know why. 
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 I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze. 
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 I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister. 
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 Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating. 
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 I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! 
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 My mum’s so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn’t fancy her chances. 
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