Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

You might be a redneck: If you own a home that is mobile, and fourteen cars that aren't. If your ironing board doubles as a buffet table. If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same...

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff's trademark is a series of one-liners denoting ways in which people might be a redneck - which he defines as "a glorious absence of sophistication. The lines usually take on the format "If - you might be a redneck. Many of Foxworthy's "redneck-isms" were given to him by fans.

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About his daughters and nieces having developed a natural curiosity about boys: When I get into the shower, there is nobody else in the bathroom. Now, when I get out there are five girls just...

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers. I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of...

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went "Oww! What was that for?", and she goes "I dreamt you were...

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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About a clerk, after recounting a story he read in which someone presented a store clerk with a million dollar bill and asked for change: She goes "I'll bet it was a counterfeit million dollar...

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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About rental car employees who ask if he wants the additional insurance: I say "Yes, I would. 'Cause you've got a Ford Fiesta that's about to see more airtime than a skateboard at the X-Games.

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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I've said before that working with Larry is kind of like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After about five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered

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