Top 10 Woody Allen Quotes at QuotationFun

Displaying Top 10 Woody Allen quotes

All Woody Allen Quotes

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A 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

Business, Patriotism

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In my next life I want to live backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, Go collect your pension, and then when you start work, You get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxuirious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and, Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

My Next Life

Age, Death, Family, Humor

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Of Masturbation:- Don't knock it, it's sex with someone you love.

Annie Hall, 1977.

Love, Sex

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We are all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions and moral choices.Some are on a grand scale, most of these choices are on lesser points, but, we define ourselves by the choices we have made.We are in fact, the sum total of our choices, events unfold, so unpredictably, so unfairly.Human happiness does not seem to have been included in the design of creation, it is only we, with our own capacity to love, that gives meaning to the indifferent universe.And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying, and even to find joy from simple things, like, their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more.

Crimes and Misdemeanors, 1989.

Family, Happiness, Love, Ethics

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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

Food

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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

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In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

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Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered.

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When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

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